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How do I do it all without a Village?

 

Our current reality is impossible, my friends.  Among many things, moms spend as much as 97 hours a week on household and parenting tasks. It's especially hard during the holiday season, and a quarter of moms say they have zero time for themselves. The village we used to be able to rely on is gone. And my guest today has set out to rebuild it!

She has been described as a mechanical engineer, neuroscientist, bioengineer, robotics expert, and computer scientist all in one. Yoky Matsuoka is the founder and CEO of Yohana, a wellness company designed to help families prioritize well-being.  She created the Yohana membership, launching nationwide this month, which is a concierge service for families that uses AI and real humans to tackle the family to-do list.

Yoky has inspired a STEM Barbie, earned the MacArthur Genius award, and been included in the Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls book series!

IN THIS EPISODE, SHE SHARES...

  • The breaking point that led her to start Yohana
  • The way her life coach pushed through her resistance to putting her oxygen mask on first
  • All the ways Yohana can take things off your to-do list this holiday season

DON'T MISS - 

  • How to create a ME List and truly prioritize it
  • The perspective that will enable you to get past the hurdle of needing to do everything all by yourself
  • Her powerful vision on using the next generation as our WHY for embracing delegation NOW

 

// CONNECT WITH YOKY MATSUOKA/
Personal IG: @yokymatsuoka
Biz IG: @joinyohana

Yohana - the first-ever concierge service for families - launches nationwide on 10/26. To help parents through the holidays, Yohana will be available to families across the country at the flat rate of $149 for the rest of the year (10/26-12/30) --  a savings of 40%.
Sign up before 11/23 at 
www.yohana.com with the code holidayhelper.


I believe in you & I'm cheering you on.
Come say hi!  I'm @parent_wholeheartedly on Insta.

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Support the show

 

*FREE* MASTERCLASS: Learn how to CONFIDENTLY parent your strong-willed child WITHOUT threats, bribes or giving in altogether so you can BREAK FREE of power struggles + guilt
www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/unapologetic 

 


TRANSCRIPT


Yoky Matsuoka:  

It's not what you did, but it's all about what you did afterwards. So, you know, I make a point. And then next day, I go to my son and says, Hey, dude, sorry about that, like, I was so tired. I didn't mean that, you know, and then, you know, usually they also say, Yeah, I didn't mean that either. In the heat of the moment, I set it by, like, I love you to like, just, that just like fixes things. And I said, okay, and then they said, Can you please do me a favor? Next time you notice that I'm on the edge, you identify it, you basically say, Mom, you're on the edge. And then I'm going to learn from it. And I'm going to say you're right, and I'm going to walk away. So let's practice that together. Right? So we do those things. And I think that's really helpful. And then I learned from making that painful mistake. If I don't make that mistake, and and realize that and be aware of it and pick up myself and and move forward and recover from it. Then I will continue to do the same thing.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Ever feel like you suck at this job? Motherhood, I mean? Have too much anxiety. And not enough patience. Too much yelling, not enough play? There's no manual, no village, no guarantees. The stakes are high. We want so badly to get it right. This is survival mode. We're just trying to make it to bedtime. So if you're full of mom guilt, your temper scares you. You feel like you're screwing everything up. And you're afraid to admit any of those things out loud. This podcast is for you. This is Failing Motherhood. I'm Danielle Bettmann. And each week we'll chat with a mom ready to be real. Sharing her insecurities, her fears, your failures and her wins. We do not have it all figured out. That's not the goal. The goal is to remind you, you are the mom your kids need. They need what you have. You are good enough and you're not alone. I hope you pop in your buds. Somehow sneak away and get ready to hear some hope from the trenches. You belong here, friend. We're so glad you're here. Hey, it's Danielle. Did you know something like 67% of parents feel burnt out. Why? Because our current reality is impossible. Parents today spend twice as much time with their kids as parents did in the 1970s. And this burden largely falls on moms who spend as much as 97 hours a week on household and parenting tasks. It's especially hard during the holiday season, and a quarter of moms say they have zero time for themselves. The village we used to be able to rely on is gone. And my guest today has set out to rebuild it. She has been described as a mechanical engineer, neuroscientist, bio engineer, robotics expert and computer scientist all in one. Yoky Matsuoka is the founder and CEO of Yohana, an independently-led subsidiary of Panasonic focused on building consumer technology products and services to help people live healthier and happier lives. Prior to founding Yohana she served as the vice president at Google's healthcare organization, Chief Technology Officer at Google's nest and co founded Google X the company's Research and Development Lab. She also developed the first Brain Powered robotic hand while running the University of Washington's neuro Robotics Lab earning a MacArthur Genius Award and inspiring a STEM Barbie. No biggie! With this MacArthur grant she founded Yoky works Foundation, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping children with physical and learning challenges, focused on removing reading barriers to unlock the potential of every child. She currently resides in the Bay Area with her husband for children, dog and pet pig. When the pandemic hit, she watched as all the balls she juggled for so long began to fall all around her. She felt like she was failing and she knew she wasn't alone. And that's what led her to starting Yohana. Yohana is a wellness company designed to help families prioritize well being their first product is the Yohana membership, a concierge service for families that uses AI and real humans to tackle the family to do this. It's proven to save parents up to 10 hours a week that they would otherwise spend on household and parenting tasks. So if you've ever felt like you needed a personal assistant, this is your way of making that possible. In today's episode, we chat about her breaking point where she finally realized it all comes back to fighting for her own well being. Her tips on how moms can create a needs list and how her life coach really really really fought her to do this to prioritize her well being the importance of releasing mum guilt and the relief that comes with putting on your oxygen mask first. How to get past the hurdle of needing to do it all by yourself and all the things that Yohana can take off your to do list this holiday season. I cannot wait for you to hear this whole episode. So let's dive in! Welcome to Failing Motherhood. My name is Danielle Bettmann. And on today's episode, I'm joined by Yoky Matsuoka. How are you?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Okay. Hi, Danielle.

Danielle Bettmann:  

I'm so glad to have you. Thank you so much for taking the time. Oh, yeah.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

It'd be fun.

Danielle Bettmann:  

I'm excited. Yes. Like, of all the parents that have done all the things. I mean, I think you take the cake.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

In a good and bad ways. Yes.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Yes, yes. But I'm relatively certain that you're one of the only podcast guests I've had to date that has inspired a Barbie. So there's that?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

That is true. We can certainly talk about that. Yeah, so

Danielle Bettmann:  

that's a talking point, you know, to bring up I'm sure that you have many from your background. So before we dive into your whole story, go ahead and just simply introduce yourself to my listeners, who are you and who's in your family?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Okay, my name is Yoky Matsuoka, I'm founder and CEO of Yohana. Yohana is the company that offers modern families that what they really needed, which is the Modern Family Consumer service. So yeah, that's kind of what I do. And I'm a mom of four, four kids aged currently between 10 and 16. And we have three cats. So we have a very, very busy life. Yeah, you have a pet pig. Yes, we do. We have a pet Pig that was supposed to be 60 pounds. But now 250 pounds?

Danielle Bettmann:  

Oh my gosh.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah, never feed pigs too much food.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Good to know, good to know to know, we'll put that in the show notes. Exactly. We have two bunnies at my house, Felix and Lulu. And they don't use their litterbox very often inside. So that's fine.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

That's good. That's good. I hope they're not 250 pounds each.

Danielle Bettmann:  

They are not they are like three. So I know that Failing Motherhood is you know, my podcast theme. And that's a huge catalyst to your story and what you have created for exhausted parents. So I'm so excited to dive into all of that. But I would love to get kind of the whole backstory of you before we get there. So take us along that journey and start from the beginning. Who were you before kids?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah. So as a kid, I was a tennis player. That's actually all I did. And I was in Japan. So I was born in Japan and I grew up until middle school, I had nothing but tennis as my dream. So I wanted to become a professional tennis player. And then that got me to the US. And I moved to the US thinking that I was going to become a professional player tennis player, that dream clearly didn't happen. You know, I had lots of injuries, and then it just didn't get there. So in college, I had to think about what other careers that I could potentially have. And one I could relate to at that moment was to build a robot tennis player for myself so that I can continue to play tennis during my career. So that was really the entry into engineering. So I got into robotics, I could build this robot for myself, I got into AI because then I can program the robot to play tennis with me. And I was at MIT building this robot. And I couldn't, you know, as you go around, and the tennis courts, you don't see those robots, you know, play tennis with humans, right. So even you know, longer many decades later, we still have not gotten to that dream, man, man. Yeah. However, throughout that process, I have learned neuroscience because I also thought that if we learn human intelligence, we can create artificial intelligence. But what has taught me through learning neuroscience was that there are so many people with neurological deficits, or physical challenges that they can't even get through the normal day, let alone tennis. And I thought How selfish are, am I to be even thinking that I was going to use technologies just to serve myself. So really, like when I was in grad school, I transformed myself from thinking about that, to how can I use technology, to help other people to be able to just live everyday life better? And that's, you know, all the way to now, like everything I built ever since then has been about that.

Danielle Bettmann:  

So wow, yeah, that is inspiring. I love to hear where you know, that passion comes from, and how can it not be something that's just kind of about, you know, how it's gonna benefit you or something you're interested in. And so coming from that place of having someone to play tennis with and then now it's become something so much bigger than you? That is so cool. I had no idea. Exactly. And, you know, it's sort of I think you said the word passion and I think I'm a type of a person who goes from one like, really get into the passion and like you're really going into deep, that core doesn't change. Again, I'm building technology to help people but the initial passion was to build that wearable robots and then a prosthetic devices for people. Well with physical disability, so it was very different than that's what I did as a professor for a decade. You know, it feels different, like what? And then you built your Honda, like, what's the relationship, but really like, you know, when you look back and then connect the dots, all of that background has really helped me to build Yohana, the reason for switching out of the professorship and then going to come into Silicon Valley was because, one, I had this itch of not being too close to the consumers. I wanted to help people. But when you do research, you don't get to work with people every day. You work with graduate students, you teach classes, you write papers, and then there's the night that where's the people that I'm trying to help? So you know, when Google said, Hey, can you come down to Silicon Valley and help start Google X? I thought, what an opportunity to get closer to people? Oh, yeah. I'm sure that life of a professor is very kind of isolated or secluded, or like set apart from kind of the quote unquote, real world in a way. It's just different. I think it is, like, you know, it's so exciting. Being in a cutting edge in a way that it's not possible. Like I always say, like when I'm, you know, retired from whatever it is that I really want to go back to become a professor again, because it was so fun as well. Okay. Yeah. But yes, thanks. Just, I don't know, maybe I'm like, short vision or something. But I wanted to work with people every day. So I thought, Okay, I got to do that. Yeah, yeah. You follow your gut. And wherever it leads, it was it's for the right reason. Yeah. So how did kids fit into this story? Was it seamless? You know, cupcakes and rainbows. You just have four kids and into your dream? Like, what was that? What did that look like?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah, so of course, like all parents, all moms know that. It's not cupcakes and rainbows, right? Yeah. I didn't know that twins, ran in my family. So when I found that, that my first kids are going to be twins. I think my family was like, oh, yeah, here we go. Again, like my mom, sisters are twins, my grandma's twins, right, like so. But my husband almost died on the floor when we you know, we're standing with ultrasound specialists. And then when twins were born, we both had jobs. We both were professors, and then really seriously, almost killed us and killed our marriage killed everything. But so far, so good. We survived through but oh, my gosh, it was so hard. Also, they were premature. And they you know, but I was totally determined to breastfeed. That's something that I was definitely not going to give up. But they didn't have the sucking ability developed yet. So it was just overcoming all of that was so hard. Also, at my work side, I was the very first woman to get pregnant in their group. So there was no such thing as maternity leave, they wanted to have one then they theoretically, you know, had one. But when that happened, they were like, oh, so can you actually create something? You know, like, what would you like to do? So they were very kind, very understanding. But I felt like, well, like so like, it's not like a path that's been paved, that I can simply follow.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Yeah, yeah. You're doing something revolutionary for the first time. Like what?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Danielle Bettmann:  

So you... did you keep working then because when you shared your story on, you know, to prepare for the interview, I had no idea. It was premature twins on top of, you know, maternity leave and working through things. And so tell me what that was like.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah, So you know, when you're running a lab with graduate students, you don't really take time off, right? So I was given some time off from teaching, but I just kept working. So yes, I did not quit. I kept working, I never actually stopped. I've, you know, even all the leaves and everything I've never taken, I think more than two weeks off at a time. So it's been a journey. But at the same time, I was determined to make sure that I balanced things. I was so passionate about wanting to create something for people that I thought if I quit, then all these people will not get the solution. So those are the reasons I kept going. But things did get really tough there. I remember their, you know, moments were so sleep deprived and so feeling impossible. I always, you know, feel this moment where I'm in a blanket and I'm just hiding from the world. And I'm like, if tomorrow can't come because tomorrow is impossible, and then I'm just not able to do it. So if I'm under the blanket, hopefully tomorrow is not coming. But then tomorrow comes anyway. Yeah, already. You're not a possibility. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They happen way way too many times.

Danielle Bettmann:  

So when did your other kids then fall into your career?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah, so it almost feels like every time I changed a job here's a new kid. So, so funny. My first two came in my first job as a professor than then my move to Seattle, the first kids were in Pittsburgh, then the second kid was in Seattle and and the last kid was in California. So they happen on different circumstances every single time. And I had three kids, by the time I, you know, I moved to Silicon Valley and then dove into Google X and the startups and all that. And I had the last kid during all of that as well.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Wow. So what were some of the ways that obviously, this is pre COVID? And we're talking about and then we'll get into the pandemic, but pre COVID? What were some of like, the non negotiable ways that you stayed sane? Or that you figured out worked for you?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah. So I would say some of the things I made sure was that I did not give up on some of the things that were very, very important with kids to stay sane. And you know, I think work can be crazy. And then work can drive you insane. But then when you get back to home, and then you were with the kids, and then you're safe from that, and um, but kids can drive you insane to and then you know, then the work can save you from that. So it's kind of a toggle, right? Yeah. But during that, I think one of the things that I just decided I'm not going to compromise was the time with the kids. So for a long time, when kids are younger, you know, kids are a little older. So the schedule has shifted, but when they're in like, maybe like all of them are before 10-12 years old, I have made sure that I woke up extremely early. So I woke up at maybe three, four o'clock. And then I worked. They say I worked from 4 to 4 or 3 to 3 kind of schedule. So I spent a lot of hours before anybody has woken up, then you know, then pack lunch shuffle kids then kept working. But when there was time to pick up kids, I was the one who basically say waved goodbye at work. And I left. And I picked up kids. And I spent that time helping them with homework, listening about what happened on the day played with them and all of that, and that I did not compromise these days. They're a little older. And I'm sorry to compromise that a little more. But definitely, that was an incredibly important thing. And then there one thing that was so hard was the judgmental eyes as I'm leaving work, right? It's like, no matter what, [even thought you got there at 4] right. And engineers got there at 10 o'clock. And then of course, when they're looking at me leaving at 330, they were like, what's wrong with you? I'm like, Well, what's wrong with you coming at 1030? But they're not being judged. And I'm being judged. So that was really hard. Yeah, but I did not compromise on that.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Good for you. Yeah, go for it. I mean, that I'm sure it took tenacity from a lot of different facets of not just the logistics and the sleep deprivation, but the Yeah, the dealing with the pushback and the resistance and feeling like you needed to kind of stick to your guns, I'm sure that there's even more challenges being in a male dominated field. Were there any other like motherhood related things that were either stigmas or, you know, kind of discrimination of sorts that you had to sort through?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

So, you know, I'm maybe ignorant, but, you know, I've been also people will not overtly discriminate. Right, right. So I think there are all those things that we noticed, as I said, like, you know, as we're leaving, they're looking at me, like, how could you leave like, Oh, my God, right. So that judgment, that implicit judgment was the hardest. And, you know, I felt like that I think probably the hardest. And then a lot of women go through this is like, we have to work harder to overcome that to show that that didn't actually create worse performance. So I always felt like I was doing more than anybody else. I was producing more than anybody else. I was working more hours in a places where they might not be able to see but the results were there. And then I made sure that the results were there to see. So I think that's the most painful part more than actual overt discrimination.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Mm hmm. That makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. A lot. Yeah. And so then how did the pandemic affect your family?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Pandemic was fun for all right, but it was impossible again. I think, you know, there's so many moments in my life where again, I ran into a wall and I said, Okay, this is it, I can't do it anymore. This is the moment and this was one of those moments again, for me that pandemic initially felt kind of fun for a second because it's like, oh, my kids are in the home they can't leave yay you know time with them. But then you know, school started their online I'm like, I'm working I'm online. The online thing is like, doesn't work all the time. Like mom like you know, that's not working to you know, actually also been a little bit misunderstood that just because I'm not in a meeting sometimes. That doesn't mean I'm free. But the question always became like, I could see my kids from the corner and then just like, and the moment I'm like, Okay, bye bye. And then I hang up a meeting and they're like, Mommy, are you free? I'm like, No, but you're right. And then I'm just I gotta go to the bathroom and they all follow me to the bathroom like just like there was no space whatsoever. Right for myself. And so I think that's the thing that drove me absolutely insane just not having anything for myself anymore. There's no space for anything. Part of work was like running around helping kids and then helping kids was you know, like also like all wet work and everything mixed them. And so I felt completely exhausted my to do list has gotten completely wildly out of control all the things like urgent urgent things to have to get done, but the next day was not even getting done anymore. So, yeah, I felt like my mental health was just getting eaten alive. Yeah,

Danielle Bettmann:  

I think you described it when you shared earlier about like that you felt like you were an expert Juggler and then like, all the balls came crashing down to the floor.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Exactly, exactly. Actually, it's funny. If you look at Yohana logo, it's a stack of rocks. Because we all are balancing rocks every day. And you know, they crumble sometimes the top one falls only sometimes the middle one falls or everything falls down. But yes, yeah, exactly. Like everything was crumbling. It was just like, Okay, no more stacking. What are we do now? Yeah.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Hey, if you're new here, I am Danielle. My company, Wholeheartedly, offers one on one and group coaching programs to help families with strong willed kids aged one to seven, prevent tantrums, eliminate power struggles, extend their patience and get on the same page. It's kind of like finances, you can read lots of info about what a Roth IRA is and how the stock market works. But if you really want to get serious about paying down debt or growing your wealth, you go see a financial advisor who can give you very specific recommendations based on all the unique facets of your situation. I'm your financial advisor for parenting. And I've designed the way we work together to give you nothing less than a complete transformation. While we work together, I'm able to help you figure out why your child is losing their mind and why you are losing your mind and guide you to master effective long term solutions through three main focuses. Number one, my cultivating cooperation guide, teaching you the tools of Positive Discipline. Number two, managing your mind my working through my triggers workbook. And number three, establishing your family's foundation by writing your Family Business Plan. My coaching is comprehensive, practical, individualized and full of VIP support. So if you struggle to manage your child's big emotions, if you and your partner's arguments seem to center around parenting, especially if one of you is to kind of one of us too firm, if you struggle to stay calm and be the parent that you want to be, it's possible to stop feeling like a deer in headlights when a tantrum hits, effortlessly move through simple directions and care routines without an argument. And go to bed replaying the way you handled the hardest moments and feel proud. If you have a deep desire to be the best parent you can be, and your family is your greatest investment. Find me on Instagram, send me a message that says SANITY. And I'll ask you a few questions to see if we'd be a good fit to work together. I can't wait to meet you back to the show. And so as you felt your mental health deteriorating at you know, an increasing rate, how did that affect? I mean, work, your kids, your marriage? Like how did you begin to realize that not only was it unsustainable, but like you had to do something about it. And it was all coming from that place of your well being?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah, actually, I didn't realize that it was about my well being until I had a coach who tell me says hey, you're not doing this actually, that was like a totally eye opening. So I was a mess. I was a terrible mother. I was a terrible worker. But I didn't know it because I didn't have time to think to recover from it. Right. So I was that irritated mother. I was that you know, one who just couldn't be ready for anything. And you know, I just cannot live without a life coach. So Coach has basically said, Do you have a me list? And I was like, Well, no, I don't have time for that. You have to create a me list. And what is that? Oh, it's a list just for yourself. I'm like, No, I put myself last No, no, thank you. But she kept saying that, like just go to your to do list, write a category called me and said okay, I'm willing to do it, but I'm not going to follow it. And she said, Okay, let's put the first item. Sleep. Like how much sleep are you getting said I don't know five hours a night. She's like, No, you have to get at least seven hours to write that down. I'm like, no, no, if I write it down like it's in the second and bother me, she's like, that's the point. Write it down. Like huge negotiation with her over and over and over to put a few items like sleep seven hours a day. I was like, Okay, she was like, okay, so what do you do to center yourself? Like, I don't have time for that. But what do you do? If you could, I'll definitely go running. I'll meditate. She said, put those things down, and then not only put it down, she was like, how many times a day and when let's make it super concrete. She followed it all the way to the point of actually telling me and said, okay, so yeah, I wish I could go three times a week, okay, put three times a week and said, No, pull up the calendar. I'm like, why? I don't have time. Okay, pull up the calendar. Let's schedule those things now. Right. And it fell so hard and so wrong. But what allowed me to do was when that time came, and I was like, I can't, but I will. Let's give it a try. And it took a little while for me to feel like initially, seriously, I'm like, like, yeah, right. And to the point of, if I don't go for this run, I can't be me. I can't be the good mother. I can't be the calm, happy person. I cannot be the good boss. So I'm going, you know, and everything is clogged up. Emails clogged up, everybody's screaming urgent. But I'm still going. And boy, did that pay off? And because now I'm on the other side and understood the benefits. I make sure to do it.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Did you like angrily have to go back to her and be like, you were right.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

I tell her all the time. Thanks to you. I'm here is so true. Oh my gosh.

Danielle Bettmann:  

I love how realistically though you like, played that conversation back? Because I think so many listeners will resonate with that just impossibility of I don't have time. I can't afford to do that. That would be nice. Yeah, I'm sure that would be great. But like, I'm too busy. And so for you under those circumstances, I don't think anyone could say that they're more busy. Like, you know, you, you had the badge of honor, just say like, of all people that could not fit a run in it would have been you at that season of life. So for you to be able to have fought for that and then been able to turn around and not only see, Oh, it did help, like it does pay off. But now I actually have to fight for it. So that I can be the person that needs to show up at work and at home, regardless of how urgent everything else is knocking down my door. That really is a testimony to that.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah, it's so hard. And you know, I'm actually no special. I just want to make sure like every case, every family sisters I hear and I'm like, oh gosh, yours is much worse than mine. Like my on the surface. My look bad. But like, it's every situation is bad.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Yeah. So yeah, no, there's no comparative suffering that makes one person's plate more harder than the next because we all have our own hard. We've all never done parenting today. Yeah, ever yet. Right? We've never had the kids at the age we have right now we've never dealt with the problems we're dealing with, until today is and so I do think that's a very valid point to make sure that everyone hears and sinks in. Because whatever you're dealing with right now is valid, and the feelings you have about it are valid. And if it feels hard, you're probably doing something, right. Because otherwise it would not be a battle, you would not feel defeated if you weren't trying. Yeah. And so just give yourself that credit.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah. And actually, I always say, if you're running into something difficult, then just like I said, then you're doing something right. And even if you failed, that's like the best thing that could possibly happen. Actually, my role model is Brene Brown, who really talks about failure, but how to get up and and pick up those pieces. I think she has inspired me to do that better. And when I you know, I mean, we all fail we all fail a balancing, we yell at kids and then they go to sleep. I'm like, How did I do that? I hate that feeling. They're mad at me. I'm mad at them. And and I know why could I be like this the most precious person. So you know those moments? And and, you know, she talks about how to recover from it. And and there is somebody who actually told me, I think it's... again it could be my coach, and said, it's not what you did. But it's all about what you did afterwards. So you know, I make a point. And then next day, I go to my son and says, Hey, dude, sorry about that. Like, I was so tired. I didn't mean that, you know, and then, you know, usually they also say, Yeah, I didn't mean that either. In the heat of the moment, I said it but like, I love you to like just, that just like fixes things. And I said, okay, and then they said, Can you please do me a favor? Next time you notice that I'm on the edge, you identify it? You basically say, Mom, you're on the edge, and then I'm going to learn from it and I'm going to say you're right, and we're going to walk away. So let's practice that together. Right? So we do those things and I think that's really helpful and then I learned from making that painful mistake if I don't make that mistake, and and realize it and be aware of it and pick up myself and and move forward and recover from it. Then I will continue to do the same thing.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Right? Oh, I love that extra step. Because yes, the apologies are critical, you know, like being able to repair the relationship and model that with humility. That's huge. But then taking the extra step to work to learn from that lesson and you know, solve that problem for the long run of not staying in that vicious cycle over and over and over. That's I'm sure the lesson that he's really learning from from you.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah, exactly. So I think that's really good. And I think that also allows him to be aware of his own anger sometimes is, hey, you're doing it too. And he's like, Oh, yeah. Right. So it's not as easy right? Like sometimes like, No, I'm not, right. I'm not angry.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Yeah, the good old stop yelling and yelling, yes.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, we do that too often.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Yeah, yeah, we have so much more in common than we probably realized that all you know, every family listening, but what are the things did you start to realize, after that clicked with your coach, and you, you know, started to work this me list in more long term? What trickled down from that? What can moms start to realize that you realize why it's so critical to prioritize your well being?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

So yeah, again, just that knowing that effect of the change, by taking care of myself, and then we at Yohana, often say, put your oxygen mask on first, before we put it on your family members. And I didn't understand it, when they used to announce it on that airplane. I'm like, of course, I want to put it on my kids first. But now I get it. If I can't even you know, help them, then, you know, we're all done. So that's, you know, I feel that way. Another thing is that I'm really learning big time is forgiveness for ourselves. Because we are not perfect as a matter of fact, I mean, if we expect it, it's only harder. So we all need to know, like, we all are terrible at this, we are dealing with this impossible life, I'll even go back later, and I'll divert, and I'll come back. But we have somehow managed ourselves in the last maybe 50 years or 100 years to try to manage this lifestyle that's impossible. So at Yohana, we say our mission is to build a village for modern families. The village is a metaphor of that time, and in places where still in different countries have that support system, they live in a close, you know, vicinity, with uncles, aunts, cousins, and we help each other to you know, like, if you're raising kids, then many things are lifted by others around you. And then you have a specific role in that community. And then you do those jobs. But now these days, we're like, move away from the family, like, make your nucleus family, and you should have a job, your spouse should have a job, you should have kids, they should be beautiful, they should be dressed, well, they should play sports, and then they should be shuffled everywhere by you, oh, then you have to make all your food yourself, you have to clean your own home by yourself. And oh, you have to care for yourself. And then you have to, you know, plan beautiful trips, every family. And it's just like, what, it's just not possible. And then impossible is being asked, we somehow think that it's the possibility or that's the norm, but it's not. So we have to be kind to ourselves, and we have to forgive ourselves. And it's okay, that we're not good at it, because we're not supposed to be good at it. But if we manage, and if we have those just a little bit of moments of celebration, then we have to stop enjoy that moment and celebrate. Yeah, so yeah, yes. Oh,

Danielle Bettmann:  

that is like, preach, preach.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

It's hard to do. But, you know, that moment, I started being a little bit kinder to myself. You know, just like that moment that you're like struggling and you can't do anything, it's just like, I'm gonna go to Starbucks and and buy that, you know, Matcha Latte that I like, and and just treat myself. These days Boba Tea but but yes, okay.

Danielle Bettmann:  

I had one yesterday! I am with you.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Right. Oh, my gosh, but those are the little moments that you know, you just, we just have to do it for ourselves. Do just take the moment says Good job. You. It's okay.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Yes, yes, I was reading something about self compassion the other day, and it was basically like, just treat yourself with the same amount of kindness you would give to your friend, like just anyone else that you love. Give yourself that level of understanding and kindness of just like be gentle or with yourself. Right? And like, it seems simple, but is truly pretty revolutionary, because that's not at all what we have been taught to do, or what is the you know, the norm that's modeled for the most part.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. We never follow our own advice.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Right. I always tell my clients I'm like, Okay, so, if a friend told you that same story, and then they told you that same reaction how Would you treat them? Like what would you say to them? And they would always be like, well, you're doing great. And you know, it's okay. You don't have to be perfect, but like, will not say the same thing to themselves, right?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And, and one of the things that's really like Yohana's trying to get to, is to also teach them to, it's okay to also ask for help. It's a lot of people don't ask for help, or know when to ask for help, or what is okay for other people to do? Right. And I think that what Johanna wants to do is to even teach people how to do that. Because that's the right that's something that I've learned throughout my life of in ability to delegate, I have an example. So for very first time, so this twins that I had, and you know, like, my husband and I were dying, and doing everything possible, we were not making that much money, and we didn't want to pay somebody to get things done. But again, that wall that I'm talking about, I ran into the wall, and I couldn't move I couldn't possibly go to work. The next day, I had way too many things to do. And I've already stayed up all night, too many times, and I just wasn't gonna be able to clean my house. So, you know, my husband had a brilliant idea, brilliant idea, and says, Why don't we delegate cleaning the house to somebody else? And I thought, no, it's embarrassing to show our dirty house to somebody else. No, that's too expensive. No, my mom's gonna say that I'm not a good mother. I can't do that. Right. But if I picked between giving up career, or raising my kids, or scrubbing the toilet, the choice was kind of clear to me. So we tried. But what I did for the first full year was that I cleaned the house of first before the cleaner came because I was too embarrassed.

Danielle Bettmann:  

You're not the only one.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

And then slowly, right, but slowly, little by little, I'm like, okay, that's stupid. Well, I'm getting a little bit comfortable. I've already told my mom, and then she already judged me. So it's all too late. So like, all those things has happened. And then I let go, and boom, like, just amazing, right? Like, just like a huge part, like, you know, of the time has been lifted by it. And that opened up that wall, and then I was able to move forward. And then a multiple times, like, you know, delegating this delegating, that has allowed me to create that time to, you know, to move forward in a career, to have more time with the kids to just, you know, again, that self care part, just to so that I can go on the run. There was a moment for a while. I'm like, I don't do this right now. There was a moment I used to pretty much hire somebody in our nanny to stay up, stay just one extra hour. I said, I'll pay you for one extra hour, can you just stay at home so that I can go for a run? You know, and I used to feel guilt? I didn't anymore, because I knew that I'd be better for the rest of the day. If I did that.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Right? Yes, that's the game changer. So that leads us right into, you know, when was it that you started to realize technology could help families make their lives easier? And you know, what, what did that thought process look like as you started creating Yohana?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah, you know that. So I've been the technologist just because by accident, but because I wanted to build a robot for myself to play tennis with. That's how I really became a technology expert. And sitting in that spot where I had all the tools of engineering in the background and having the desire to help people, I realized that I was sitting in a relatively unique place where I could apply that technology for very, very mission driven cars. So you know, it's in many ways, it's a low hanging fruit, I want more and more women to major in STEM, and then help in this world where we need more women who feel the pain points to apply technology to help everyday life. So Yohana is basically a service that has people and technology in the background that helps you, when people experience our service, it, you know, feels like it is the interface is all about humans. When you say like hey, can you you know, my renew my passport? Whatever? Or like, can you like figure out what I should have for dinner for the next seven days for the family, all of that there's an interface of human but humans by themselves can't scale humans by themselves don't have enough skill set, actually. Because single human cannot be perfectly amazing at finding a plumber to creating a birthday party that's amazing to coming up with the best travel for this holiday season. All of that is nearly impossible to do. So therefore we have to have enough technology background to make them the superhuman so that they can be that specialist who's done the birthday party for the 100th time so that they can be act like the travel agent who's you know, they've already planned everybody else's holiday getaways. So those are the places where technology really starts To help for Yohana at this time.

Danielle Bettmann:  

yeah, that's so brilliant. And that's exactly why I had to have you on the podcast because when I came across the membership, I was like, Where has this been? Right? Like this needs to be the ways that families function, because again, it's an unsustainable, impossible standard that we're trying to live towards of these amazing birthday party one weekend, and then the trip the next and then, you know, this work project that is ongoing. And then there's also, you know, all of these other tiny little errands around the surface of trying to get things scheduled. And it's just, you can't hardly juggle it. And so how do moms get past that wall or that block of like, but I have to be the one that does it, I have to have that like level of attention, or care or whatever, it has to be me.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Right? I think, almost like, if you keep thinking, it's just for yourself, it's, again, because everybody puts themselves last, it's never gonna happen. So I'm going to say it in a way that's about other people. So if this generation doesn't learn to overcome to delegate, then the next generations will continue to suffer the same way that you will. So that's how I think that people currently like, you know, now they're starting to have kids, and then they're like, Oh, what do I do? Get that courage, right? Like, get that braveness, to say, okay, it has to become a no brainer for us to just ask other people for help to get it delegated. And if they see that next generation will follow, if their kids see that their kids will know, that's the norm. And then that's how they're going to get around, you know, the tough parts of their life in the future. So they have to remember that they're their role models for the next generation and their own kids, and how they manage these tough moments. And that is, you know, so go and, and keep delegating, and I know, it's not easy, I know is you're gonna judge yourself, but you're gonna have to, that

Danielle Bettmann:  

is powerful that we can get behind. Because if it's inadvertently for our kids, yeah, then we're gonna do it, because we want a better future for them. And that's why we're all here trying to, you know, parent with new tools, and do all these things, and a newer, better way. And that's a big part of it is modeling that workload and how we manage it, and being able to be okay with doing the main things well, and doing the things that only we can do and making our relationships, you know, our key thing that we spend our resources on. Yeah, so I love the way you put that it's beautiful. Okay, so then getting back to Yohana, again, like, really paint the picture of what is possible with this level of technology.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Okay, so I think I'll even start with before the technology, what Yohana has enabled, is that having that guide person who truly set a goal together with the family, so, you know, getting things done every day is important. But that's not it. And it actually becomes kind of tiring, because the to do list only gets longer all the time. And then getting it done is not rewarding, because you still get more. But what's the rewarding, and what we're really after for getting things done is to meet that whatever the goals that we have, and then sometimes the goal is to have more time with the kids. Sometimes the goal is that the parents are getting older, and that you want your parents to see grandkids more often. Maybe the goal is the self care, you know, maybe want to lose weight even right, like there are different goals that people and family have. And we make sure to start from there. So our job is to say, let's figure out what that goal is, then we will help you get things done so that we can get you there. If that means we're connecting you to the experts to get some things done great. We'll do that if we are fixing your home and getting things offloaded so that you get that time back then that's what we do. So, you know, that's how we really move people forward to achieve that bit of a balance that they are not having right now, throughout that we feel that we have to use technology in the back. And as I said, to get to know you more and more that there's a bit of an initial pain of, you know, delegating, and they don't know you at first and then you feel like ah, like explain it's been about I just do it myself. But no, like we got to get over that hurdle a little bit. We get to know you, the more we get to know you that you know easier and faster and better things that we can do. Right? So I mean, in a way like I'll give you one like high level example we need more members to get better ourselves technology wise. But for example, if you say hey, you know, I want to plan a birthday party for my seven year old son, and great initially like getting to know who you are, who your son is, What is he like? It's like, oh my God, that's a lot of work. Right? But over time, we already know that And not only that, we know people like you with the son like yours who have preferred one thing or another. So, you know, it's like, Oh, don't do the jumping house birthday party, you know, these days, you go to the go kart, right? Like, whatever that might be. And then that fits better for this population. And then all the kids would be like, Oh, my God, that's like, so much cooler, like, how did you find them? All? Right. Yes. Right. So I think those are the ways that our technology is really helping our specialists to be superhuman, because they are in tune to what's out there. They're in tune to be that expert in basic completely based on, you know, the personalization to your needs and your family.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Yeah, that's so brilliant, because it's truly combining the best of both worlds, of not only that customization, but the scaling of just getting better and better at doing those things over and over that the AI can, you know, currently compound interest compile all of this data into its best way possible. And that's what we're always looking for. We don't want mediocre parties. You want the best party?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah, that's right, right. Yeah. Yeah.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Yeah. So what does that look like? Logistically is there like, you know, intake forms, Zoom meetings? What does this look like?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Oh, yeah. So of course, we're getting better and better over time. But we can do it also different ways to, if you want to just get started by saying like, super high level, like, seven year old birthday party, like, you know, and then we ask you a little bit of scoping question. And saying, like, What is he like, like, just, you know, what's just hobby, you know, what's his dietary restrictions? And then we throw in a couple of things, like, do you want to do to home, whatever. And then based on that, we say, Here's possible venue options. Here's the possible lunch or cake options, you know, here's possible, you know, Party favorite options, and so forth. So we kind of throw you what we call proposals to people. So then people can choose which one they like, if they don't like any, they can kick back and said, Oh, but this one was closest, but it's still not it. And then we have that dialogue back and forth. Again, initially, it might be like, getting to know face might be a lot of like it, that's not it, but over time, it gets better and better. It's just like, oh, I spot on, like, how did you do that? Right. So I think that's the kind of the process that people take.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Yeah, so what else can you do other than birthday parties? I think there's like contractors and things that you like, work with, too, or like, you know, specific service providers?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah. So, you know, this is the part that people often get confused, like, what do we really do? Like, there's so many things that we sell, we can do anything? And of course, that confuses people more. But yeah, so I can, you know, give you the kind of examples of things that we do and, and I actually do with my service, too, is, you know, you just said it contractor. So home, right. So there are a lot of home needs, whether they're things are falling apart, urgent things that happen to things that I want to do to just everyday life, like my blinds are somehow always broken somewhere in a house. And it's true, super annoying, but I don't know what it is about blinds, but they break. So just little handyman to come in and do things, I want to hang pictures, but I don't have time, and then they're sitting on a floor, two things that can add the value of the house over time. So just you know, keep working on some things that's going to you know, make it really nice. So all those things, we can just give it to us, whatever it might be, we'll schedule those things. We already know, great, you know, people that we can recommend, and then we'll go from there. So I think those are, you know, just wonderful, wonderful areas that usually is so much Google search and and figure out who's good making the phone calls, and they don't call you back at the right time. And then yeah, can we cut all of that for you? So I think that's big. The other area. And I mean, there's so many areas, I can keep going but we already talked about birthdays, and events planning and all of that we're pretty good at that. One of the areas and the holidays coming. So let's talk about that for a second. So we are you know, making sure like all that, for example, Halloween is taken care of, we decided to focus a lot around costumes this year. And then this is again a headache every year. Like why should kids wear you know, what do they want? So we have gathered partners who are you know, really matching our brands, from the point of view of sustainability, ease and organic and you know, all of that and making sure that we give you the full experience. So not just for kids, but do you want a matching outfit? Do you want your your pets want the matching outfit? Do you want a photographer to Kevin to capture the moments? Do you want anything else purchase for decoration for your home? And actually do you want us to then come and recycle all those costumes? Which kids will grow out of it? For you. Right?

Danielle Bettmann:  

Brilliant. Yes.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah. Those are the ways that we want to take care of you and to end, whatever that might be. So I think that's really a differentiation factor for us because we want you members, you know, everybody to feel taken care of. It's like okay, you know, I didn't have to worry about it this year. So that's another really good way to Think about it holidays coming up, oh boy, like, you know, I always get kind of sad when all the other families send beautiful photos of them as a holidays. And I'm like, Oh, I didn't do it again. Right? What if somebody took care of that for me, like somebody's arranged and said, Okay, I'll take care of not only you know, like a date in your calendar, we can see a calendar, I'll schedule somebody for you, this is the best in your area. Don't worry, like, this person really takes amazing pictures. Do you guys want to have matching outfits? Like, you know, here are some of the options. And then, you know, like, just having that full coverage is really nice. So, yeah, stay tuned for more and more of those holiday kind of things. Yeah, yeah. And one more example I'll give you because I probably use it the most for this is to feel close to family and friends, by being able to say a little bit of Thank you. So you've probably have those moments to where, you know, maybe your uncle was really nice to you, like, Jennifer, just giving you something or some friends brought you like cupcakes that you weren't expecting. And then you want to say thank you in a more special way than just like, email, thank you. And then you put it up to do list, and then you get busy. And the weeks go by and you're like, I missed that opportunity to say thank you. And I feel like I'm almost drifting apart. I'm rude and I don't like myself. So I just almost on that instant moment, I just quickly chat over to Yohana and says like, I want to send flowers to my uncle. Then they say what kind of flowers? What price range? What address and then just little bit of information, putting it in here he goes it just already at uncle's house, and then they go here. So kind of like, you know, you're really kind one right, like, so much closer to them again. And so I feel like I was able to get closer to the friends from the past more these days. But thanks to Yohana. So it's a use case that people might not think about too much. But I think that is something that is so so helpful for me.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Yeah, I think the lost intentions that we have, like we have so many good intentions that just get lost and buried in you know, being capitalized on by the urgent things. And then yeah, they get becomes weeks. And we never intended that for that to happen. But again, it just is like a fight to the finish of what actually gets done. So being able to have things like that go off without a hitch with a lot less effort from you. That would be phenomenal. Oh, that's so brilliant. Yeah. Very cool. Well, then let the listeners know how they can connect with Yohana and get started.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah, actually, good news is that we have gone nationwide as of October. So now you know, people from any part of the country can go to www.yohana.com and then able to sign up. And we're also running a special promo for the rest of the year. Usually we are $250 a month. But for the rest of the year flat fee of $149. They're able to get help right away for any holiday needs. So that's how they can get connected.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Wow. Yeah, that's a steal. Yes, absolutely.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

It's great. So just as I mentioned about the holidays, you know, please take advantage of it. Hopefully your holidays a little bit better, because we Yohana this year.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Yeah, it's like even the stockings will be filled. There's, you know, the errands, the teacher gifts, the laundry, I mean, everything. There's I'm sure a million tiny ways to be able to capitalize on that just in that time period. I'm glad that we get to take advantage of that when this episode comes out.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Yeah. And actually, you know what I recently learned really interesting stats that parents during holidays, spend 15 hours shopping for gifts. 15 Yeah, and four hours wrapping gifts. And then another hour returning gift. It's like, it's crazy, right? Like, just Can you imagine if somebody saves you from that?

Danielle Bettmann:  

Yeah, we have so much better ways to spend our time, right. Yeah, I know, my family. We're going to be making the Home Alone 2 Lego set. That's what we're very excited about doing together. Oh my gosh, that sounds really great. Yes, it's the whole house in the car. And we bought it like after it came because it was like sold out all last Christmas. So we got it. January. It's been in a closet just waiting.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

So organized. That's amazing.

Danielle Bettmann:  

That was actually Oh, my husband, he was like we have to get this. It's back in stock. Okay. Great. Yeah. I'm so glad that you've been able to really like paint that picture and help us visualize just how powerful it is. To be able to embrace delegation in a way that's not only going to make our life so much easier and benefit our kids in present day, but really set the stage for the next generation to not have to wrestle with the same pain and the same workload and mental load that we have right now. And that's worth everything. So thank you for being able to pioneer with that unique perspective to We'll go ahead and create something that really just fills that need in such a powerful way. So the last question that I ask every guest that comes on, kind of the motto of the podcast is every parent is the one that their kids need for one reason or another, you know, like, because they are a special personality fit, or because they have a skill set that they really help their kids with, or that they're just, you know, trying really hard or that they, you know, accept their kids for who they are, or whatever that looks like, I want to every listener to feel like their kids don't need someone other than them. They just need them. And so I asked every guest, how are you the parent that your kids need? Like? What does that skill set look like for you? How do you, you know, how are you the best fit?

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Wow, super interesting question. That's super hard. So let me just think for a second.

Danielle Bettmann:  

I really caught you off guard.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

No, no, it's good. I get it. Because they always complain. I'm like, you're always working. But that's part of it. So that's what I was thinking that. Yeah, I think my answer is that I'm their number one advocate. And the role model.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Yes, yes. They are lucky to have you. They may not say that every day. We'll know that yet. Or even realized that. Yeah, yes. They will, eventually because they've had an amazing picture into a truly transparent journey that you've been alongside them with and growing so much right alongside them. And you know, no one's going to be perfect. But for you to continue to fight for more peace, more time, more freedom, and more memories as a family alongside such a worthy career and you know, high level passion and talent for what you do. Not only have you helped a million families, but you've helped your own as well. So thank you for all that you've done. And thank you for taking the time and for being able to share your wisdom with my listeners. I know that we really, really appreciate it and benefited from this episode a whole lot.

Yoky Matsuoka:  

Oh, my gosh, Danielle, thanks for running this podcast. I'm sure it's helping incredible amount of people out there. So thank you so much. Of course.

Danielle Bettmann:  

Thank you. Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of Failing Motherhood. Your kids are so lucky to have you. If you loved this episode, take a screenshot right now and share it in your Instagram stories and tag me. If you're loving the podcast, be sure that you've subscribed and leave a review so we can help more moms know they are not alone if they feel like they're failing motherhood on a daily basis. And if you're ready to transform your relationship with your strong willed child, and invest in the support you need to make it happen. Schedule your free consultation using the link in the show notes. I can't wait to meet you. Thanks for coming on this journey with me. I believe in you, and I'm cheering you on

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