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Why do I feel like I'm FAILING all the time?



For a fun take on why some of the ways we think and act are ABSURD, I compiled 11 random ways to most definitely and without question feel like you're FAILING at parenting + motherhood.


  • Insight into ways you might be thinking you don't realize
  • How to take the weight off your shoulders + find self-compassion
  • New awareness around how to shift into more helpful next steps


  • How to overthink everything + overload your brain :)


IG: @parent_wholeheartedly

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Danielle Bettmann 0:05
Ever feel like you suck at this job? Motherhood I mean? Have too much anxiety... Not enough patience. Too much yelling, not enough play. There's no manual, no village, no guarantees. The stakes are high. We want so badly to get it right. This is survival mode. We're just trying to make it to bedtime. So if you're full of mom guilt, your temper scares you. You feel like you're screwing everything up, and you're afraid to admit any of those things out loud. This podcast is for you. This is Failing Motherhood. I'm Danielle Bettmann. And each week, we'll chat with a mom ready to be real. Sharing her insecurities, her fears, your failures and her wins. We do not have it all figured out. That's not the goal. The goal is to remind you, you are the mom, your kids need. They need what you have, you are good enough. And you're not alone. I hope you pop in earbuds, somehow sneak away and get ready to hear some hope from the trenches. You belong here, friend, we're so glad you're here.

Danielle Bettmann 1:15
Hey, it's Danielle. I think this is gonna be one of my most favorite episodes. And I'm gonna dive right in. But I have to give you a quick disclaimer. This is a step by step guide of how to feel like you're failing. And this came from a consultation I had with a family this past week, and the mom told me, "I am so afraid to try anything else because I don't want another reason to feel like I'm failing." And I've heard a similar sentiment from the last few families that I have met with. And I just want to turn this idea on its head, I want to be able to broaden your perspective. And shed light on this misconception that I think is more prevalent than we think it is. If you don't think that you're thinking this the might be. So this is my take at addressing it. And this is a bit of a cheeky approach at what truly makes you feel like you're failing to help you see your own behavior, your own thought process and decisions and new light. So there's lots of sarcasm to come. This advice is meant to be taken in humor. Not seriously, you are not allowed to take a quote or a clip out of context and post it on social media and cancel me Okay, I am not telling you this is about actually to do. But sometimes they really feel like it's important to hear things in a different way to realize how truly absurd some of the things we're believing are. So this is your step by step guide of how to feel like you're failing at parenting, or motherhood in general.

Danielle Bettmann 3:01
Okay, number one, discount your entire past the environment interactions and DNA that coded and downloaded the software that you've been running on autopilot for 30 years. That has nothing to do with how you just reacted just now, not even a little bit. Okay, you have complete control to do whatever you want to do, however you want to do it with no effort spent overriding those instincts. So put no thought into what made you who you are and why you think the way you do not irrelevant. Go ahead and discount that completely.

Danielle Bettmann 3:41
Remember to take the blame for everything you should know better. Obviously, because you have parented this kid at this age before plenty of times, you have a degree in it for goodness sake, you have nothing else going on in your life to distract from it in the least. So since it's all on you find your worth in their behavior. They're not their own person, you can absolutely expect their half baked brand new brain to manage stress way better than you and when they don't. It's definitely your fault. Take full responsibility and become so consumed with shame that you keep both of you from finding the support you need. Sounds great.

Danielle Bettmann 4:27
Number three, gaslight yourself. You don't know what you're talking about. You haven't spent the majority of every waking and sleeping moment with them since they were conceived. your in laws definitely have much clearer insight into their personality and quirks and needs. And yours too, while you're at it. So pull the audience plus a million other complete strangers on the internet and make all your decisions based on what their conflicting opinions say. Then you'll feel confident. No problems.

Danielle Bettmann 5:01
Number four, overload your brain. It has an unlimited capacity on par with AI and Energizer Bunny. So go ahead and intake fragments and crumbs of information at a near constant, breakneck speed. Don't take the time to process anything, always on to the next piece. Oh, and never apply any of it. Just keep it all up there as blackmail for your conscience. Because now you have every right to feel terrible when you don't do all the things that it says you should. Sounds great.

Danielle Bettmann 5:38
Number five, go ahead and put yourself last. Surely nothing can go wrong. When you set out to drive around town all day on an empty tank of gas. Put nothing in and then expect everything. work yourself to the bone. And then do it again tomorrow. No long term repercussions.

Danielle Bettmann 6:03
Number six, value your money more than your time. Relationships are nice to have. Fill your time with all your obligations to everyone outside your home. And then with the crumbs you have left, collect resources the hardest and most tedious way possible. It's not worth learning from someone who's dedicated their life's work to this. You have years and years to spend catching up to them on your own. So go ahead and spend all the time you need. It's not like you'll never get it back.

Danielle Bettmann 6:42
Number seven. Take on an unpaid side gig. Moonlight as an adult continuing education instructor. Sure it doesn't pay well. But go ahead and take the time to reiterate everything you're learning to another equally competent adults with equal access to the internet. They can't be held responsible to initiate their own growth. Do it for them. They won't resent you at all for making them feel inadvertently incompetent and below you. Sounds like a great use of your time.

Danielle Bettmann 7:16
Number eight, overthink everything. It's all equally important. How much screen time they watch today, what snacks they eat, how much you yell how quickly they fall asleep. Fixate on all of the bad. You'll only see more of it, but maybe if you obsess enough, you'll finally get ahead of it. Don't prioritize. It'll all work out.

Danielle Bettmann 7:43
Number nine, believe the first thought that comes in your head right away. Never question it. There's no other way to explain what just happened. While you're at it, assume negative intent always, for example, believing that they did it on purpose. It's manipulation. It's personal, things are hopeless. That's an accurate assessment 100% of the time.

Danielle Bettmann 8:11
Number 10. Try to reap the rewards with none of the risk. So if you want and need a full retirement, complete with travel plans around the world, never open a 401k when someone tells you a stock is doing well just go ahead and buy one that should do it. You paid 1000s To learn statistics, or accounting or biology and all these things in college for you know, no real reason that affects your day to day life. But go ahead and learn the bare minimum about parenting. You're definitely going to get your money's worth out of all of those irrelevant generals that you crammed in college, but parenting who would use that in real life. So go ahead and want and need all those retirement rewards like relationships with your kids when they're adults. You know, happy healthy contributing citizens and society. Really quality, well rounded mental health for everyone in your family. But, yeah, you know, bare minimum, random things on the side. Sure, it'll be fine.

Danielle Bettmann 9:25
Number 11. embody the ethos of an insane person, change nothing and believe everything will be different tomorrow. Your child will be a whole day older, so perhaps they'll just outgrow everything that was a problem today or change everything. And then try it for one day and then Abandon the ship. You gave it a good run. Research was administered with the accuracy of a pharmaceutical test, and all variables were accounted for surely, checked all the boxes. If nothing else could possibly be it.

Danielle Bettmann 10:05
So, obviously, you can see that I am being facetious here, and playfully poking holes at a lot of the way that we tend to act without knowing it, setting ourselves up to fails, just making it completely necessary. And guaranteeing that we're going to feel like we're failing by doing one or all of these things on a day to day basis. But I want to further illustrate this with one more example, or analogy.

Danielle Bettmann 10:41
So let's say you love yoga, you love how your body feels when you do it, you would love to learn how to do some of the inversions or like the balance poses, and feel like a badass, strong and capable with the flexibility to keep up with and do more and your day to day life. But you get confused often, because you're only doing the free YouTube videos, you're not sure how to do exactly what they're saying, you know that your body is not looking like their body, because there's no one there in real life. They can't see you, to guide you and individualize it or show you how to make accommodations or change the pose. And you struggle to be consistent, because there's no commitment level or accountability. No one knows that you wake up and intend to do it that day, you're only promising yourself. So you end up not doing it more than doing it and beat yourself up for it. So would it be true then, that you would fail at an in person class? Especially if you could stay afterwards and ask the instructor a few questions. Would it be safe to assume you would fail? If you signed up for like a certification program? If you had to commit to it weekly, at a time that worked for you tell not only yourself that you'll be there but the instructor and the others in that small group would be expecting you. And you'd be taught the well rounded skill set that you would need to be able to master some of the more complex poses you're dying to learn. Would it make sense to count yourself out from that experience? Or is that actually where you'd make the most progress and thrive?

Danielle Bettmann 12:27
So you might see, in that analogy, how investing in a proven program with a mentor who knows you and your family, over a period of months to have the support, consistency, and individualization. You need to troubleshoot and implement things and see the change pay off over time, alongside other families to show you that you're not alone, making slow sustainable shifts, with every question answered along the way. With a true commitment and investment holding you accountable to make the most of it is actually not another opportunity to feel like you're failing. In fact, it is the opposite.

Danielle Bettmann 13:23
So if you're tired of taking the more arduous road, toward the day to day life and relationships that you desire, and you want to take the truly easier road that makes much more sense all things considered, and includes the level of support that you truly deserve. schedule your consultation to learn more. I hope that I've challenged your thought process a little bit, I hope that you can see yourself in a little new light. I hope that you can find humor in the way that you have been responding and not take yourself too seriously. But instead, just take the weight off your shoulders and give yourself permission to maybe consider something that you've ruled out before. I believe in you, and I'm cheering you on.

Danielle Bettmann 14:23
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of Failing Motherhood. Your kids are so lucky to have you. If you loved this episode, take a screenshot right now and share it in your Instagram stories and tag me. If you're loving the podcast, be sure that you've subscribed and leave a review so we can help more moms know they're not alone if they feel like they're failing motherhood on a daily basis. And if you're ready to transform your relationship with your strong willed child, and invest in the support you need to make it happen. Schedule your free consultation using the link in the show notes I can't wait to meet you thanks for coming on this journey with me I believe in you and I'm cheering you on.




Tuesday, Sept 27th at 1:00 PM CENTRAL

Confidently parent your strong-willed child without caving in or dimming their spark so you can finally break free of power struggles, guilt + self-doubt!