YOU'RE OKAY!
We offer this reassurance when we see our littles falling apart at the slightest little thing like their sock is "off" to big things like a faceplant. It comes out almost unknowingly- as an instinctual reaction.
We want them to know they'll be okay!
But the problem is, they aren't. Currently.
Telling a child that isn't okay that they are seems innocent enough, but as a child internalizes that message, they are being taught not to trust their own feelings. That their experiences aren't real. That their instincts are off. OR if they're strong-willed, they internalize it as ...
"My caregiver doesn't GET IT. I must keep telling them over & over in different ways or even more dramatic ways until they GET IT!"
Either way they feel misunderstood, which is a crappy way to feel.
What to say instead?
Validate how they DO feel in that moment.
--"You are telling me you are NOT okay!"
--"You must feel so sad you fell down & got hurt!"
--"UGH, that sock is so frustrating!"
--"I can tell by your face you're feeling MAD!"
That validation leads to awareness, which leads to acceptance, which leads to coping mechanisms, which leads to emotional regulation & restoration. THEN- you can label & encourage when they feel "OKAY" again!
Is your little "NOT OKAY" a lot lately?!
What do you do when they're losing their mind?!
