Parenting on the Same Page

HOW DO I GET MY PARTNER ON BOARD?

 

I keep sending articles and leaving books on their nightstand but they don't research parenting like I do.

I get called at work to discipline the kids. It's so stressful!

We're both reacting in opposite ways and I'm starting to realize how confusing it must be to our kids!

My partner loses their temper with the kids all the time. I can't stand it!

 

Do you relate to any of these parents?

You're NOT alone.

 

Here are some of the reasons you're NOT parenting on the same page:

 

 #1 - You're not siblings (hopefully).

You did not grow up together in the same house with the same parents.  What that means is - you were parented differently yourselves and therefore have different parenting instincts.

You may not realize just how much these instincts are running th show when you're stressed - whether you like it or not.

If you don't want to COPY-PASTE your childhoods, you both need added insight and an expanded toolkit.

 

#2 - There's an Exposure Imbalance.

You have different algorithms. Different social networks. Different Google searches. 

One of you has likely either come across or sought out more conversations, articles, podcast episodes or books on parenting than the other.

That's great!  HOWEVER...

That often leads to one partner trying to teach / nag / drag the other partner along to catch up.

This might be surprising to hear, but no one likes being criticized or told they're doing it WRONG - even (or especially) by your partner.

And when all that information is a bit overwhelming and sometimes conflicting... it can be a bit of a "blind leading the blind" situation.

The best environment to learn is one where both partners are learning in real-time: hearing the same plan in the same language, both getting to share concerns and ask clarifying questions while neither is the resident expert.

Much nicer vibe, IMO.

 

#3 - Thinking your relationship is the problem.

If the majority of your arguments are currently over parenting - THIS IS A GOOD THING.

It means you care. You BOTH care.  

Things might not feel like cupcakes + rainbows right now, especially if you're undermining each other's discipline or arguing in front of your kids...

...but this is not a recipe for divorce.

Most likely you both have high expectations for your kids, love them a whole lot, and want them to succeed (whatever that means to you.)

Right now, you're simply seeing a different road to get them to where you want them to be. 

 

So... HOW DO YOU GET ON THE SAME PAGE?

 
#1 - Ask curious questions.

If you and your partner grew up very differently, or they haven't been to therapy or done much reflection on their own childhood.

Start there.

During a *non-active parenting* moment, ask them to tell you about what they remember about discipline growing up.

Ask them what they felt was missing ( at all ) growing up.

Any resentment between siblings?

Did they feel close with and understood by their parents?

How did what their parents did create who they are today?

This can open the door to a curiosity about what they could do differently with the kids in front of you.

No matter what they felt was *good* or *bad*, every approach you intentionally chose to repeat needs to be tailored to best support and *work* for the personalities you're currently working with.

 

#2 - Identify what SUCCESS looks like to you both.

Who do you want your kids to be?

What do you hope to be true of their life?

What skills do you hope to have taught them + what values do you hope to instill?

You're never going to feel like you have your parenting sh*t together if you continue to throw spaghetti at a wall + cross your fingers, hoping for good humans.

That's not how this works.

I'm willing to bet you want *pretty much* the same things for your kids.  NOW - you can create the trajectory to get THERE together. 

 

#3 - Work with a solution-oriented professional.

There is absolutely a time and place for personal therapy and marriage counseling.  

So how do you know if parenting coaching is right for you?

  • One of your kids' behaviors is driving a wedge between you
  • You want to establish a firm foundation to parent from
  • You're stuck in a vicious cycle of threats + bribes
  • You strive to create a healthier family culture and stronger relationships than you grew up with
  • You BOTH know you need to work on your patience levels
  • You BOTH realize what you're currently doing isn't working and you feel like you're at a CROSSROADS

Parenting coaching is more like consulting.

In Sanity + Solutions coaching, your family is the business organization, and I'm here to provide insight, next steps, resources to meet your goals.

When I guide you to Write your Family Business Plan, you identify your end goals, core values, identity, and mission statement in conversations you'd never have otherwise.

You graduate with more patience, improved behavior, a full toolkit and PARENTING ON THE SAME PAGE - FOR GOOD.

 

Ready for your next step?

Schedule a FREE Consultation call to meet me + learn more - 

wholeheartedly.as.me/call

 

Your kids are lucky to have parents seeking out resources and asking for help.  

You BOTH are the parents they need.

Imagine how much more you'll feel like it.

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