Want Respect? Give it.

A huge focus of parenting kids in the early years is focused on controlling their behavior, including how they talk.

We only let them get maybe a handful of words out before expecting them to sign or say "please" EVERY TIME to teach manners & asking politely.

We don't tolerate "back talk" and routinely remind them to be respectful of us and other authority figures.

We correct their grammar, their vocabulary, their tone - with high expectations.

And understandably so!

HOWEVER

We teach our kids how to talk to us by how we talk to them.

If we aren't modeling every single one of those skills ourselves, it's not going to sink in.

When we interrupt them, give them directions without saying "please", come at them with TONE, and give unwarranted lectures...

...it's no wonder they come at us with a tongue later in life.

I have been shocked by how politely & respectfully my daughters have been talking to my husband and I lately, and reflecting on how much of that they picked up from our modeling.

We've placed high importance on monitoring the way we speak to each other in front of them, and always worked to show them the dignity and respect they deserve as fellow human beings with a voice that matters.

It's paying off.

Yes, I have heard "I hate you" in the last week because kids are still kids (& they aren't my report card).

BUT - we're very mistaken if we think by being HARD on our kids and micromanaging their language we're teaching respect.  That's not how it works.

If you're not hearing what you want to hear from your kids, listen to yourself.

Listen to the tone you use.

Listen to the way you speak to your partner (or even the dog).

See any resemblance?

The good news is... it's something you can change!

With intentionality and accountability, you can improve the outcome for both of you.

You can do hard things, friend.

You can say please too.