Our influence is hinging on THIS

parenting relationship May 08, 2020

Time outs, spanking, grounding, bribes, rewards... they all work toward the same end goal of changing future behavior. At the surface, this is what parenting seems to be all about.

We use our authority to mold them into a responsible, kind, contributing member of society.

What's the problem? 

The "win/lose" battles of will erode our very ability to parent in the first place. 

The strength of our connection determines the level of influence we have over our children.

When leveraging our power over their behavior without connection, our attention & affection are no longer compelling to our child, breeding resentments & rebellion.  And so, we may feel there is no option but to turn to heavy-handed tactics to “make” our kids behave. 

All behavior is a form of communication that's our responsibility to decipher. 

 At best, these approaches in isolation are reactive and superficial as they attempt to deal merely with behavior, rather than seeking to uncover the hurt, unmet need or lacking skill a child is trying to communicate, elevating obedience over true learning. 

Unmet needs must be addressed, lacking skills must be taught, and a child must know their parents' love for them is not conditional based on their behavior.

Asking a generation of parents to turn everything they know about parenting upside down is no simple request. It brings up so many questions -


🔹Do we throw all these approaches away completely?
🔹What does "connection" even look like?
🔹What about behavior that seems like "manipulation"?

I'd love to dive into this more... What thoughts does this bring up for you?

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